Almost 6 months since my brother passed.  Her sons are both very much against the idea.

She is lonely in that big house and Mrs Roga and I both said “Go for it.”

Life is too short to waste days being lonely. We hope she finds a good Christian guy and has a great remainder of her life.

I agree with you...easy for the Sons to say she shouldn't, they probably aren't alone.

Hell yeah she should. Those kids are being selfish

How old are her sons? My wife passed when my daughters were in the 8th grade.
I waited almost a year but it was still WWIII when I started dating. Was a big issue for several years.
Currently have a friend going thru the same thing.

I'd still say go for it, but be ready. If they are against it - life can be hell.

(02-22-2024, 10:28 AM)Replying to Tomato Sandwich Hell yeah she should. Those kids are being selfish

they won't be ready for it in 6 years either.  I say go for it as well.  No rush but the time to start dating is when you feel like it.

(02-22-2024, 10:19 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg Almost 6 months since my brother passed.  Her sons are both very much against the idea.

She is lonely in that big house and Mrs Roga and I both said “Go for it.”

Life is too short to waste days being lonely. We hope she finds a good Christian guy and has a great remainder of her life.

Absolutely agree with you and Mrs. Roga! Life is indeed too short.

I definitely feel sympathy for your S-I-L, as well as for her sons, and all of the rest of the family. I can understand how/why the sons are so against it. Yes, they are children and they don't yet have the capacity to make adult decisions. But, in all honesty, for this type of matter, six months isn't a very long time. There are a LOT of things to consider in this matter.

First... just my off the cuff thoughts... I would probably wait just a bit longer. At some point the boys are going to probably WANT her to date someone, for her sake. This was the case with my two kids when the three of us were living here by ourselves. We had been here just shy of two years when I did remarry (my previous wife didn't die... went through a divorce). 

The dynamics are a little bit different, though, with the children being boys and the thought of another man coming into the picture and taking the place of their dad. They knew "Dad" as the leader, the authority, the head of the household. In their mind, whatever man comes along is going to take his place.

With time they will warm up to the idea a bit more. If they don't, then they are truly being selfish. Still... even then Mama needs to give consideration to the boys. That doesn't mean that she has to do what they say. After all, she is the adult, and it is her life. But... she is their Mama, and that is huge.

I'd wait a bit longer. Six months truly isn't all that long.

How old are the boys?

(02-22-2024, 10:19 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg Almost 6 months since my brother passed.  Her sons are both very much against the idea.

She is lonely in that big house and Mrs Roga and I both said “Go for it.”

Life is too short to waste days being lonely. We hope she finds a good Christian guy and has a great remainder of her life.

Good call. Rgasiningdawg.

(02-22-2024, 10:29 AM)Replying to DawgWood How old are her sons?  My wife passed when my daughters were in the 8th grade.
I waited almost a year but it was still WWIII when I started dating.  Was a big issue for several years.
Currently have a friend going thru the same thing.

I'd still say go for it, but be ready.  If they are against it - life can be hell.

Both sons are in 30s

i agree with you and Ms. Roga. Right ON!!!!!

I told my wife that when I pass she should use her judgement about if she wants to date again. Our vows said "until death do us part". She will have fulfilled her vow to me when I pass; that's all I expect. I just ask that she honor me by never forgetting what we have built together and make good decisions going forward about her happiness.

(02-22-2024, 11:12 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg

(02-22-2024, 10:29 AM)Replying to DawgWood How old are her sons?  My wife passed when my daughters were in the 8th grade.
I waited almost a year but it was still WWIII when I started dating.  Was a big issue for several years.
Currently have a friend going thru the same thing.

I'd still say go for it, but be ready.  If they are against it - life can be hell.

Both sons are in 30s

They are old enough to get over it.

(02-22-2024, 11:59 AM)Replying to McDonoughDawg

(02-22-2024, 11:12 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg

(02-22-2024, 10:29 AM)Replying to DawgWood How old are her sons?  My wife passed when my daughters were in the 8th grade.
I waited almost a year but it was still WWIII when I started dating.  Was a big issue for several years.
Currently have a friend going thru the same thing.

I'd still say go for it, but be ready.  If they are against it - life can be hell.

Both sons are in 30s

They are old enough to get over it.

Pretty much what we told her.

(02-22-2024, 10:19 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg Almost 6 months since my brother passed.  Her sons are both very much against the idea.

She is lonely in that big house and Mrs Roga and I both said “Go for it.”

Life is too short to waste days being lonely. We hope she finds a good Christian guy and has a great remainder of her life.

ISH?

(02-22-2024, 01:04 PM)Replying to Toasty B

(02-22-2024, 10:19 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg Almost 6 months since my brother passed.  Her sons are both very much against the idea.

She is lonely in that big house and Mrs Roga and I both said “Go for it.”

Life is too short to waste days being lonely. We hope she finds a good Christian guy and has a great remainder of her life.

ISH?

Not in the least, but she said 3 different guys have called her to ask her out to dinner.  In mid to late 60s most single guys will take anything they can get.  

(02-22-2024, 11:12 AM)Replying to Rogasingingdawg

(02-22-2024, 10:29 AM)Replying to DawgWood How old are her sons?  My wife passed when my daughters were in the 8th grade.
I waited almost a year but it was still WWIII when I started dating.  Was a big issue for several years.
Currently have a friend going thru the same thing.

I'd still say go for it, but be ready.  If they are against it - life can be hell.

Both sons are in 30s

Oh... wow... I had a picture in mind of someone in their teens or maaaaybe 20s. 

That said.... Hmmm... In one sense I can see how they can think that six months is a short period of time. But in another sense, she isn't saying, "I want to get married this weekend". She is talking about being open to the idea of dating someone. They, in their 30s, are WAY more than old enough to understand and comprehend that.

I'm sure it probably seems really weird to them to even imagine Mama being with another man. But, unfortunately, their dad passed away and Mama is left behind, still young enough to continue living an active and full life.

Difficult spot for your S-I-L, I am sure. But the sons really do need to give it a bit more thought. Let it sorta soak in a bit and they will probably think differently.

(02-22-2024, 11:41 AM)Replying to redpantsdawg I told my wife that when I pass she should use her judgement about if she wants to date again.  Our vows said "until death do us part".  She will have fulfilled her vow to me when I pass; that's all I expect.  I just ask that she honor me by never forgetting what we have built together and make good decisions going forward about her happiness.

Same here.  I don't want her to feel lonely because she feels like she has to wear black for a year and not attend social events.  She would honor me more by remarrying and realizing what a great catch she had before.  I wouldn't necessarily feel the need to remarry if my wife died at a normal age, but if she were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life alone.  I'm mid/late 50s.